I got one today with a note that said,
ďMiss you lotsĒ; now, thatís a joke.
How can you miss what you never had
Or even wanted?
Maybe Iím being too unkind or
Missing all the facts:  all I know is
I loved you once and probably still do.
Alone at night, I wish youíd appear
On my doorstep asking to come in;
And Iíd oblige because loneliness is
Better when shared.
But you never show up
And I canít bear to open my heart,
To have it slammed shut once again.
Iím not very perfect, though Iíd like to be
And rather than shout to all the world
My insecurities,
I push them aside and strengthen my
Bleak stare of self-concern.
Youíd think we live miles apart
When in fact itís only one and a half.
And the phone that rings in my mind
Every time I consider calling is told to
Call back
When the others are through.
So why call?
Itís easier to wait for the impossible
Than to live through the usual.
A friend of ours told me to stop
Abusing you,
For us to stop abusing each other
But, Iíve never done it to hurt you:
Only in the hope youíd see how
Much I need you.
ďSometime next week,Ē huh?
Might as well be forever.

rjw, 4/25/87


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